remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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