So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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