I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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