If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
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Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
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My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.