I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
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I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush