I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.