we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic