What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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