How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.