My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.