Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
