whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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