Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
how do you play pong handcuffed?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
