I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
