I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
