you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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