New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
