some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
