I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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