Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
sarcasm needs its own font
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
