u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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