What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
