It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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