just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Even my vagina gasped.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
