Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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