How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
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Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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