i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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