Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
