I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
