I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
