Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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