Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize