Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
