Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
