Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
There r osticjed everywhere
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
