Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
