We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
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There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
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Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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