Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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