He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just tell him i said nine months
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
