Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
