could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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