I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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