how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
