last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
