I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
