Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
