I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
