My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
