The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize