Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
