look no pants
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
