ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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