how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
