Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
