Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
