I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
