Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
