he wants to bone in the snuggie
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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