yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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