I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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