I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
