i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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