Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
