he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
