so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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