Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
