Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
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I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
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Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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