I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
