i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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